No matter how much you love each other, you are eventually going to have a conflict in your relationship. Relationship conflicts do not mean you are not compatible or the relationship isn’t working. If anything, conflict is a good thing because it helps you to know what your partner doesn’t like and it also helps you to reveal what you don’t like to your partner.
But that doesn’t mean you should make a big deal out of everything and fight with your partner about every single thing. That is just unhealthy. Pick your moments. Know when it’s worth fighting and when it’s best to ignore.
One thing about conflicts in a relationship is that they are not always easy to resolve. Think about it this way. You are two people trying to make a relationship work. You have a common goal, alright, but you both also have different approaches to things. So what you will want might be different from what your partner wants.
Sometimes when a problem arises in a relationship, you talk about it with your partner, and you assume everything is okay. But you wake up the next day, and you realise that things are still not okay with you two and there seems to be some tension between you two.
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This is because we all have different understandings, and sometimes it can even be hard to express ourselves or explain things better for our partners to understand us. So it is essential to know how to resolve conflict in your relationship properly.
If conflicts are not resolved in relationships, it can lead to resentment in relationships. Also, conflicts can affect your mental health and your physical health too because you end up worrying and thinking about it so much. It can also lead to breakups and divorces if not resolved. So we will discuss some ways to help resolve conflicts in your relationship.
Tips for relationship conflicts resolution
1. Understand your feelings and communicate them
Sometimes you might feel angry or bitter towards your partner, but you are not quite sure why you feel that way. Sometimes you may be disappointed by their action, but you are not angry. It could also be that you are actually hurt because of their actions. You have to know what you are feeling to be able to find a solution to make you feel better.
Once you know what you are feeling, calmly and clearly let your partner know how you are feeling and why you are feeling that way. Now communication is a two-way street, so you don’t have to spend the whole time just telling them how you feel without listening to them too.
Listen to them and know and understand how they feel too. If you don’t understand something they are saying, ask them to explain and help you understand. Don’t just keep quiet and say it’s cool. You are going to wake up the next morning still feeling bitter because you didn’t understand them.
2. Focus on a solution
One mistake we often make when trying to resolve a conflict is that we focus on the wrong thing. If you decide to resolve a conflict by concentrating on justifying your actions or defending yourself, you are just going to make things worse. Instead, you should focus on finding a solution to the problem: a solution that works for you both.
Don’t try to blame your partner or accuse them, that just means you are trying to defend yourself and implying that their actions made you do what you did and in a way, they deserve it for making you act like that.
Just focus on finding a solution, a way to make everything better for both of you. If you want to save your relationship, you need to understand that you don’t need to defend yourself in conflict because you don’t need to win. Is it really winning if your defence only makes your partner feel worse?
Most conflicts can quickly be resolved if we learnt just to forgive. Yes, sometimes their actions hurt but holding on to it is only going to make it hurt more, so forgive. Learn to let go. If your partner wrongs you and they apologise, just forgive.
Don’t hold on to pain, anger and bitterness when you do that you can’t forgive them. So you will say it’s okay, but you find out that you still can’t stand their presence and you have some feelings of resentment towards them, that simply means you haven’t forgiven them. If you want your relationship to work out, forgive them.
4. Seek professional help
The steps above sound simple, but in reality, they are not. It’s not easy to understand your feelings, let alone communicate them. It’s not easy to forgive when you have been so severely hurt, especially if not just once.
So sometimes it is best to seek professional help in resolving conflicts in a relationship. So find a couple therapist you and your partner will be okay with, and then schedule a session to help save your relationship.
In the case of married couples with kids, unresolved conflicts can even affect the children too. So in such cases, family counselling will be an excellent idea.
Relationships aren’t easy. If you see a couple who are always happy together, don’t think they’ve got it easy. It is just that they work on their relationship. So if you want to be that happy couple, then work on your relationship too.
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