Getting to know someone and always seeing the person’s face over a long period of time can get boring. It’s like you know everything about the person, done everything and gone everywhere with the person. Hence, there is nothing new to do.
When that happens in your marriage, do you wonder: “Is this how my life is supposed to look like?” “Did I marry the right person?” Before you make a decision to accept being bored or to have an affair, be aware of this fact: Every relationship goes through periods of stagnation. A problem starts when partners ignore or prolong these periods of boredom and do nothing to prevent them.
Before you can solve the problem of feeling bored in your marriage, you need to understand it very well to know how you can tackle it. Here are a few reasons why you are facing this problem:
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1. Lack of excitement.
When the element of surprise and novelty is gone, you start feeling bored with your marriage. Daily routines make every day look the same. You wish for more spontaneity and excitement.
2. Loss of interest in your partner.
You feel like you know everything about your partner: his/her likes/dislikes, values, opinions and his/her quirky behaviours. Nothing is new and surprising anymore. You start to wonder if there is someone more interesting out there who could make you happier.
3. Unrealistic expectations.
You don’t feel butterflies anymore and take it as a sign of loss of love and desire. You also know this “perfect couple” who travels the world, and because your relationship is different you believe it’s not good enough.
Now that you have a better understanding of what your problem is, here are a few ways to solve that problem:
1. Change the routine.
Of course you still have responsibilities and schedules you need to follow but make some room for occasional changes especially in your love life. Make the time spent with your partner exciting again. Go for a date or take a long weekend vacation together. Try new things as a couple. You can also bring the enthusiasm back by participating in the activities you enjoyed in the past but suddenly stopped doing. It is also beneficial to have a life outside of your marriage. Meeting up with your friends or investing time in a personal hobby will give you both more opportunities for interesting conversations.
2. Discover your partner again.
When was the last time that you REALLY listened to your partner? We often believe that people don’t change but trust me, the person you met a few years ago is not the same person today. Every life experience, a new friend, and the elapsing time changes our perceptions and teaches us new lessons.
Don’t stop listening to your partner. Make an effort to discover new things about him/her. Ask about his/her opinion on certain topics, his/her favourite colour or activity. It may surprise you how much you don’t know about your spouse.
3. Get rid of unrealistic expectations
The butterflies are gone and there is a good reason for it. If you sustain such strong feelings throughout your whole marriage you would have a difficulty with accomplishing any daily tasks. Think how distracted you would be! It doesn’t mean though that you can’t occasionally get them back. A romantic dinner or a little get away are just some of the things you can do to feel that mutual desire again. Also, don’t believe that sitting at home and simply enjoying your partner must be boring. If you feel content, don’t let your friends or the media convince you otherwise.
Your marriage can get more and more exciting each day. It’s a choice. Choose to make that happen.
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